One and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child, and the Joy of Being One

One and Only The Freedom of Having an Only Child and the Joy of Being One Debunking the myth that only children are selfish maladjusted little emperors a prominent journalist makes a funny tough minded and honest case for being and having an only child A humorous tough

  • Title: One and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child, and the Joy of Being One
  • Author: Lauren Sandler
  • ISBN: 9781451626957
  • Page: 371
  • Format: Hardcover
  • Debunking the myth that only children are selfish, maladjusted little emperors, a prominent journalist makes a funny, tough minded, and honest case for being and having an only child.A humorous, tough minded, and honest case for being and having an only child.Journalist Lauren Sandler is an only child and the mother of one After investigating what only children are reaDebunking the myth that only children are selfish, maladjusted little emperors, a prominent journalist makes a funny, tough minded, and honest case for being and having an only child.A humorous, tough minded, and honest case for being and having an only child.Journalist Lauren Sandler is an only child and the mother of one After investigating what only children are really like and whether stopping at one child is an answer to reconciling motherhood and modernity, she learned a lot about herself and a lot about our culture s assumptions She brings a passion and a laser sharp intelligence to the subject that cuts through the anxiety, doubt, misinformation, and judgment about what it means to be an only child and what it means to have one In this heartfelt work, Sandler legitimizes a conversation about the larger societal costs of having than one If parents no longer felt they had to have second children to keep from royally screwing up their first, would the majority of them still do it And if the literature tells us that a child isn t better off with a sibling than without one, and it s not something parents truly want for themselves, then whom is this choice serving One and Only examines these questions, exploring what the rise of the single child family means for our economies, our environment, and our freedom Through this journey, Sandler has quite possibly cracked the code of happiness, demonstrating that having just one may be the way to resolve our countless struggles with adulthood in the modern age.

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      Published :2019-03-23T14:36:19+00:00

    1 thought on “One and Only: The Freedom of Having an Only Child, and the Joy of Being One”

    1. This is propaganda, pure and simple. Designed by the parent of an only child to make herself feel better about her choice by collecting countless positive (quantitative) studies to dismiss the negative only-child (qualitative) experiences of Sandler's friends and other interviewees, while debunking supposed stereotypes and replacing them with reasons why everyone should do as the Chinese do: have only one child, and in the process, shaming those that have more. In the end, I feel this is a biase [...]

    2. The following quote sums up this book nicely for me: “Children are a desire, not a calculation. Which is why I believe that if you truly desire more than one child, you’ll make it work. People always have. And if you don’t, well, there’s a big stack of numbers on your side. If we’re going to be rational about it, surely the economic verdict suggests we should stop at one.”As another reviewer stated (and also in my own experience), this topic can be controversial, and Sandler doesn’ [...]

    3. When venturing into the Mommy Wars, it's wise to state your position up front. When it comes to me, Lauren Sandler is preaching to the choir. I am white, affluent, college educated, liberal, urban, green, a writer, and have an only child (a girl!) by preference. The only difference is she lives in the hip neighborhood of NYC (and I live in the hip BOSTON neighborhood) and she worked for NPR while I've only ever listened to NPR.I am just like her and the book is for people just like her (and me). [...]

    4. As an only child who is mother to an only child, I was eager to read this. But to be honest, my rating is based only on the first 26 pages. Here are a few reasons why:- Page 10: In discussing those who often are politically conservative and have large families, author Lauren Sandler writes: "A wide stripe of thinkers.eve parents like myself who deeply value an extra-familial identity will simply be outbred over time by the fruitfully conservative." (Emphasis added. Should be me and liberal, as i [...]

    5. One and Only was such an encouraging read! As a fellow mother to an only child, it felt good to read that my concerns and fears are shared by other parents of onlies. I also gained understanding into a few of the reasons why adult onlies sometimes make such impassioned cases against their friends and family members having singletons.A recurring theme in the book is "contrary to popular belief." I almost thought it should be the book's subtitle! It seems most of the myths about only children (and [...]

    6. I still don't know what all the hub bub is about. Scratch that… I do know, but it’s ridiculous. Lauren Sandler presents factual food for thought. As she herself writes, “If I choose to stop at one, that’s not a referendum on anyone’s choice not to. The whole point is to live the life you want.” This book has provided me with a lot of things to think about as I make the choice of what’s best for my family. I get so much crap from people on the outside. It’s a shame that they won [...]

    7. My experience of this book can be best summed up by the author's own words in the last chapter: Despite all the rational information that supports my reluctance to have another kid, all the research demonstrating that only children are fine, all the data suggesting the additional sacrifices another kid would require, making the choice not to have another child is still fraught with conflict. It's an emotional struggle that, it turns out, no set of numbers and analysis can erase.This is book most [...]

    8. I picked this book up out of curiosity -- in full disclosure, I'm not the book's intended audience, as I have nine children, not one. But I was curious about the research the author might have done into the subject, and as a graduate in Family Sciences, I'm always up for delving into social sciences and research.Unfortunately, this book was very soft on science and Sandler was quite biased in her interpretation of what research she did bring out, making a huge deal of very slight differences in [...]

    9. Really enjoyed reading the quotes from various researchers on the "only child" issue. I knew I'd have just one child while I was pregnant for my son. Loved it, but follow the "one and done" motto. Having him fulfilled my desire to be a mother. Having a goal and then achieving it doesn't have to lead to more of the same goal. I ran a marathon in my 20s and had no desire to run another one. It's just that simple! I would love to have my son as a baby again, but no way would I want a different baby [...]

    10. I was a little disappointed in this one. I'm in the process of coming to terms with the fact that my son will likely be an only child, so I've been reading through a variety of books on the subject of parenting only children. I enjoyed Lauren Sandler's previous book, so I was excited when this one came out this spring.The material was interesting (after all, I'm seeking out justification to soothe my own irrational guilt), but it felt like a book that just couldn't decide what it wanted to be. I [...]

    11. While I've never sought any kind of validation for being an only and, so far, thinking that I'd want an only--Lauren Sandler confirms what I've always been thinking: It's awesome being an only child. I can admit that some of the chapters were inundated with information to the point of tedium, yet it didn't stop me from going through the pages eager to hear the next story about how yet another only "turned out ok." Sandler also put me on to a lot of great articles in her book. I'd say it's worth [...]

    12. When I was younger, I thought I would have a brood of eight children. Maybe I picked eight because it is my lucky number or maybe it was completely arbitrary, but I was then so enamored with the state of papahood that I knew, simply, I wanted to have several children. By the time I got married at 25, I was more realistic, looking forward to only 3 or 4. When my wife and I experienced infertility and the chance of being a father in any capacity seemed to diminish slowly but steadily, I think my w [...]

    13. I can identify with this book in so many ways; my mother was an only; and I'm the mother of an only. While I can certainly identify with the authors plight in making her own decision, this book did not really illuminate for me how to help raise an only; which is what I was really looking for. For myself I really didn't choose to have an only. I wanted more children but my husband really didn't, we couldn't really afford it, and my health kept getting in the way of my own lobbying efforts to chan [...]

    14. Although there were a couple of glaring errors right off the bat (the killer in We Need to Talk About Kevin is not an only child as Sandler states) I kept reading and really enjoyed this one. Some of it was memoir with Sandler recalling her own life as an only. But she also presents plenty of evidence to support her thesis that only children turn out just fine. She caught a lot of flack online, much of it from other women authors with multiple children, and I wish they would read the book to see [...]

    15. Half yes and half not the book to read if you're deciding whether to "commit to one" or add another child to the family. (Not that that was the questions I had in mind going into this book).It is the book to read if you wish to get a better sense of the stereotypes "onlies" and parents of onlies face and how being an only child influences how one is perceived in almost every possible way, when really, much research shows that only children are not that different from their peers with siblings. I [...]

    16. Apparently I've never had a problem being an only, I got the whole, "Oh you're so lucky, you get anything you want/you don't have to share". Firstly, I did NOT get everything I wanted - but I MOSTLY got what I wanted and no, I didn't have to share and I must be honest - I liked it. Something that most people don't include.I also received ALL of the blame (yes, I did try to divert attention from myself to pets but sadly, that never seemed to work).d I did feel that ALL of the hopes & [...]

    17. Ok, first and foremost, this is not the most heavy piece of scholarly writing out there (as many of the reviews pan about). I'm cool with that, especially as I am home caring for an infant and not sure my brain's up to heavy scholarship. Family size is personal and highly subjective, and it's not surprising that the writer is focusing on the positives of an only child. I'm sure someone could write an equally honest book showcasing the positives of having a sibling. My husband and I have, and enj [...]

    18. 7th book for 2018.Around the time of your child's second birthday, pressure – from grandparents, friends, even your own child – starts building up about possibility (inevitability?) of next one. If not for yourself, then at least for your child. Do you really want them to grow-up emotionally impoverished, alone, to face the horrors of the World? Of their parents eventual disability and death, alone? At this time too, many of the horrors of birth and those first few sleepless months fade, and [...]

    19. I was in the parenting section at the library looking for another book when I saw this one on the shelf. The topic is, of course, timely (we’ve been talking a lot about this) and I knew the book would be thought-provoking. What I wasn’t expecting was that it was also emotional and vulnerable, sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes through Sandler’s anecdotes about being an only child raising an only child. Sandler does not use the book to try and make the argument that only children are the s [...]

    20. One and Only is a fascinating little book about the value of only children (or singletons). The author, Lauren Sandler is an only child herself and the mother of one child. She begins the book by talking about her mother's decision to have only one child, explaining that she knew that she would be a much better mother if she were happy, and she was more likely to be happy if she only had one kid. From there, the book explores many of the benefits of having or being an only child, choosing to spe [...]

    21. Being an only child and now having an only child, I could agree with most of the points made in the book - both pros and cons.Ever since I became pregnant with my baby, people have been advising me about how I should plan for another kid. I am getting free advice on how my son will end up becoming lonely, selfish blah blah. I even saw women advocating other women to have more children on some mummy forums. I am an only child and I am really happy that I don’t have a sibling. I got my parents [...]

    22. I enjoyed this book, though chapters 7 and 8 felt disconnected with the macro-level approach. I suppose I was really hoping for the justification I need in having an only child (especially being an only child myself). Of course, the book fell short of that as that is a ridiculously lofty goal--especially for someone else to provide FOR me. ;) I definitely recommend this not only for only children and/or parents of only children, but for anyone. The horrible, mean, degrading things people say to [...]

    23. This is a (surprisingly) controversial topic, so the fact that some readers disagree vehemently with her position -- and she does openly take sides rather than pretending objectivity -- doesn't automatically make it poorly written. However, I would have been more comfortable with an angle of "only children are no better/worse off than anyone else" rather than the blatant "Only children end up rather superior and their parents are much happier." Maybe because I'm not an only child myself. However [...]

    24. I liked this book. I found the ideas and information to be very interesting. To me, the book wasn't just about only children. It was also about being able to make personal decisions for one's family, such as how many kids to have, without feeling pressure from society or culture to make a certain choice. That being said, there was a lot of data to dispel stereotypes that exist for only children and their parents -- although I have to say I don't ever remember having to deal with the stereotypes [...]

    25. Very interesting book. Well researched and balanced except the part that's hardest to swallow is when she tries to prove statistically that only children and parents of only children are better off socially, academically, artistically, etc. It clearly depends entirely on the individuals and the situations and no one size fits all. Here the book sounds like a self-justification polemic. I'm an only child and hated it - my husband's an only child and loved it. Go figure. It does make one feel that [...]

    26. A pretty quick read on the joys of having an only child. Sandler looks at stereotypes of onlies, reasons why people have only one child in the U.S. and other countries, the benefits of having only one child, but also the pressures that exist to have more than one.The author is an only child too, so what I'd like to point out to her is that the stereotypes of only children: selfish, attention-seeking, lonely, feeling like an outsider also exist in families of many children. She does a good job of [...]

    27. This is an information packed, insightful, Mommy guilt assuaging book. I finished this book feeling far more reassured about a singleton's life outcome. This book is helpful to anyone considering family dynamics and demographic trends. Lauren Sandler imbues enough personal details to maintain interest, but doesn't overburden the reader with gory details. She also doesn't have the whiny, overprotective mother tone. Her style is a breath of fresh air. My personal message from this book is that Ame [...]

    28. As an only child who has lost a sibling, I really wanted this book. I thought that the facts she brought up were ones I have always known existed but hadn't done the research Sandler has done to back it all up. Reading it felt more like a memoir then a book of facts about only children even though the end she says it isn't a memoir. So much of her personal experience and baggage is woven into the book that it is hard to distinguish her experiences. The biggest downside to this is that she expres [...]

    29. Confronting the stereotypes of only children-- spoiled, entitled, lonely-- with cold, hard facts (and plenty of them), dispelling the worst notions. Though having children--any number of them-- is a completely personal experience, it's always good to go about it in a thoughtful, rational, and smarts-based manner. This book examines the idea that one child is enough, and does so with the help of scientists, psychologists, environmentalists, and so forth. It might be an unpopular choice, but it's [...]

    30. I am not a mother (yet), but I am a speech pathologist at a pediatric clinic. Parents are constantly coming to me for advice, so I read as many parenting book sas I can. Sandler's advice was very helpful and as a speech pathologist, I loved that she backed up her research with studies and interviews from around the world. Although her good advice is aimed at single child homes, but I also use the advice in Sandler's book to encourage parents on the importance of spending one on one time with eac [...]

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